Sunday, 15 August 2010


Here are some things that have been going on in my head recently. I want to cover a lot of areas in this blog, because the experience of being a man is complex. This is perhaps the thing I really want to challenge. That whole idea that we are somehow, by our very nature, simple creatures, defined soley by our sexuality - a sexuality which is itself crude and unsophisticated.
The reason why this is a passion for me, is because some of the most emotionally subtle and creatively sensitive people I have ever met have been men. Yet our culture does not recognise the range of male expression.
On top of this, it does not recognise the scope of a man's sexual expression. Our inability to accept male homosexuality is one case in point, but there are so many different aspects to the male sexual experience, between homosexual or barberous idiot. In my view the male sexual experience is new territory for human culture. Women have taken control of their sexual experience now. And good for them. But, contrary to what much of feminism seems to assume as given, men are not the winners in the socially conditioned arena of sexuality. In fact, I would argue that in contemporary terms, we are very much the losers, in bed and out of it.
So, here are some ideas. I am going to regularly interview women for this blog. Women who embody the shifts going on in our culture regarding gender. Women, who, simply through their personalities, are examples of what you might want to call "modern femininity." Why am I doing this? Is this just another patronising objectification of women.
I am not interested in these women as women. I am interested in them as people. The fact that they happen to be compelling sexual beings is in virtue of their personalities, not in spite of them. This is the thing I want to get across. I want to show that what makes a woman attractive is what makes a man attractive - their presence, their energy, what makes them unique and what drives their pursuit of happiness.
I must stress though, that I will not shy away from sexuality. No fucking way is this a blog about men apologising for their sexualities, or nursing guilt about what they find attractive. These women are interesting because they are attractive to us, as sexual beings. But their sexualities are indistinct from their sophisticated personalities. And hopefully this will illustrate the point I really want to make - that this goes for you too.
Divorcing your sexuality from other aspects of your personal identity is disastrous. It objectifis you as a man, and turns you into a sexual drone. And unfortunately, many women still affirm this as being attractive, when what it really is, is stupid. It is the male equivalent of blonde and big tits, and it needs to be done away with.
The problem, as always, comes down to how your self-image is conditioned. As a man, I have had to fight not to give in to viewing my sexual self as base, or subhuman. And very often I haven't succeeded. The greatest challenge for men these days is not to stop objectifying women, but to stop obectifying themselves.
It angers me that I must divorce everything that is important to me, from my sexuality, in order for that sexuality to be validated. I want to express creativity, spirituality, a poetic sensibility, and my sense of metaphysical fucking purpose in my sexuality. I want to express the heat of inspiration, the breath of my spirit when I am with a woman. And yes, I want to be dominant, yes I want to express my competiveness, and my aggressiveness, but there is nothing in this that requires that I be crude.
One of the best ways I think I can do this is to give a voice to women who are attractive for who they are as people, rather than to what extent they match up to some unspecified, bullshit social norm. And maybe, just maybe, we can start treating ourselves with the same kind of goddam respect.

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