It is through our imagination that we get turned on. Someone is sexy to us because they appeal in sme way to the latet desires of the subconscious, they tap into something within us that can only be accessed through the imagination.
What is the imagination? It is the ability to creatively generate new ideas, new conceptions of reality and ourselves, to conceive of previously non-existent possibilities. Desire is the power that drives the imagination - the fusion of our most basic needs with the need to change and adapt and evolve. The tension between conserving our energies to survive, and the compulsion to keep moving and keep adapting. Out of this friction comes the imagination, the muscle that takes from the old to build something new. It conserves identity, and at the same time forges new expressions of it.
The reason that they do leave us in this way, is because or culture does not value the imagination. The imginative muscle is seen as something that needs satiating at best, that is neutralised with simplistic affirmations of unrealistic need fulfillment. The homogeous nature of western culture proves this to be true. Our limiting and severely abusive dictates aound female beauty are perfect examples of the principle of Eros having been castrated. The imagination becomes saturated and bombarded with infantile and mindless messages and images. All of us know them to be inane, but the resources by which they are disseminated are so powerful and so pervasive, that it doesn't matter what an one individual feels or thinks. Their own capacity for reason is drowned out.
Equally as restrictive and insidious as the limits placed on female beauty, are the limits placed on what consitutes masculinity. As if masculinity could and should only be a set of simple and easily identitified virtues.
When the imagination is castrated in this way, sexuality becomes violent. We feel powerless in the face of our own needs and the imperatives of our desires. Our sense of agency is robbed from us, because the creative and poetic impulse has ben extracted from our sexual experiences.
This violent sense of powrlessness manifests itself in either puritnism, or aggressive exploitation. Because they come from the same root, the castration of the human imagination, a preciousness about sexuality, and the tendency towards rape are really just aspects of the same trauma. The loss of agency through the basterdisation of our imagination.