Sunday, 4 December 2011
The Male Orgasm
The avant garde male does not regard sex as a compulsion but as an expression of his inner self. In sex he is seeking to communicate something to the one he loves that cannot be placed in words. It's beyond intimacy, it's beyond simply “having a good time.” It's the thrust of the sun's heat in one brief moment of relative time.
Sex, in this context is as far away from the abusive, post-feminist ideal as you could possibly imagine. It's not at all about power, or gender war, or attack and retreat. It's about authenticity. And above all, it has nothing to do with performance.
One of the most destructive products of post-feminism, is the idea that a man should be ready to perform in bed, consistently, and unwavering in all instances. What is most dumbfounding about this idea is that it grossly misunderstands the subtitles and the nuances of masculine sexuality.
Sex for men, is as much about the relative psychological context as it is for women. It is now an established scientific fact that the female orgasm is something very dependent on the contingencies of character and relationship. In a word, it's all about the context.
Why should it be any different for men? Why is it that women are given all this sexual credibility when it comes to their emotional needs in the sack, and men are just assumed to be like panicky dogs waiting for an explosion?
Much of it has been, and continues to be, our own fault. However, I don't see any progress in the light of post-feminism.
There needs to be a culture-wide reinterpretation of the male orgasm. And a good starting point should be this: that a man's sexual climax and orgasmic apex must not no longer be associated with ejaculation.
I was stunned a few years ago, when I tried to explain to a dinner party of women, that a man can fake an orgasm. I tried to detail the fact, that even though a man can ejaculate, and even though he is releasing himself from a certain amount of pent up sexual tension in the process, this is not an orgasm. Consequently, if a man is moaning with delight upon release, and even if there are the tangible signs of having come for all to see, this means very little in terms of a quality sexual experience. He is very likely faking it, or simply glad it is all over.
The reaction I got was ridicule, and I was accused of exaggeration and lies. We hear so much in the mainstream media about the needs of a woman between the sheets, but it is incredible just how shallow many women regard the sexual needs of their men. Many, though not all, are simply unable to accept that their male partner's needs are as subtle and complex as there own.
Women had to wait until the 50's to come to some public self-reflective idea of their own orgasmic capabilities. For centuries, culture had given them at best a neglectful education about their sexual anatomy.
The same is true for the man of the 21st century.
The next sexual revolution will be a male one. And it will constitute a new sensual reality, in which sensitivity and emotive awareness have as much do with masculine sexuality as raw physical capacity.